Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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