No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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