Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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