She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
