So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
