Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
