You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
