i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You are the jesus of drinking
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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