its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
