Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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