just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
