i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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