someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How external is "for external use only"?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
