i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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