sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
