I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
