Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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