someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is Oprah even human
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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