i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
