my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
