One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im holly from the hills drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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