why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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