Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
