She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
