if only i could text you this smell
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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