i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Shame is for Republicans.
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