You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
