Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
