This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
