I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have fence marks all over my body
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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