Kiss
Puke
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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