I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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