There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
