So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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