Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I fill condoms, not promises.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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