we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
