Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
