its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
