Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
