My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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