Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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