I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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