sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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