you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
