You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't like sucking hair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
