It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
