I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
