Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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