I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize