we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
