she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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