A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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