I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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