So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
