Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
