I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
