Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
