this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
