Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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