Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
