I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
