I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
