Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
