ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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