I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
