I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
