I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize