yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
