how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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