Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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