Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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