my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
